Self-care is more than bubble baths or candles—it’s about safety, nourishment, and reclaiming control of your body and mind. For survivors of domestic violence, self-care must be trauma-informed and realistic, especially when safety and stability are still in question.

Here’s how to care for yourself in small, meaningful ways—whether you're still in the situation or starting to heal afterward.

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• Safety Planning as Self-Care

  • Keep a bag with essentials ready (ID, meds, keys, phone)

  • Memorize or write down emergency contacts discreetly

  • Use a safe word with trusted friends or children

• Emotional Regulation in Crisis Moments

  • Focus on grounding techniques: deep breaths, holding an object, cold water

  • Journal in code or drawings to release feelings safely

  • Limit contact with your abuser as much as possible, when safe

• Protecting Your Mental Energy

  • Unfollow or mute triggering content online

  • Avoid rehashing painful events unless you choose to

  • Set mental boundaries: “I am doing the best I can right now.”

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• Reconnecting with Your Body

  • Gentle movement: stretching, yoga, walking

  • Nourish with food that feels comforting and sustaining

  • Sleep in clothing or blankets that feel safe

• Managing Flashbacks & Anxiety

  • Name your feelings: “This is a flashback. I am safe now.”

  • Try calming techniques like tapping, scent therapy, or music

  • Let yourself cry, scream, or feel numb—it’s all okay

• Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

  • Keep a “proof list” of things you’ve survived or handled

  • Celebrate tiny wins: making an appointment, setting boundaries, resting

  • Give yourself permission to rest without guilt

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• Drink water, even if you don’t feel like it

• Stand in the sun or near a window

• Write kind notes to yourself on sticky notes

• Keep your phone charged and on-hand

• Wrap yourself in a warm blanket and breathe

• Say “no” without explanation when needed

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• You don’t need to “earn” rest, kindness, or peace

• Healing is messy, non-linear, and deeply personal

• Some days self-care is deep breathing; other days it’s seeking a therapist

• You are not broken—you are rebuilding

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• Assaulted Women’s Helpline – 1-866-863-0511

• 211 Ontario – Call 2-1-1 or visit 211ontario.ca

• Barbra Schlifer Clinic – Trauma counselling and legal aid

• Women’s shelters – Most offer emotional support, safety planning, and healing workshops

• Hope for Wellness (for Indigenous survivors) – 1-855-242-3310

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• ✅ Self-care is about regaining safety, calm, and control

• ✅ Practice grounding, small routines, and protective planning

• ✅ It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or exhausted—go gently

• ✅ You deserve healing even if you’re still in survival mode

• ✅ Support is available across Ontario to help you reclaim your life

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Start small. The goal is not to add another thing to your to-do list. The simplest form of self-care is a grounding exercise. Try this: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This five-minute exercise can calm an anxious mind and is a powerful first step.

When you are in the relationship, self-care must be subtle and safe. Focus on internal practices. This could be a 3-minute breathing exercise you do in the bathroom, silently repeating a positive affirmation, or listening to a calming song on headphones while doing chores. The goal is to find tiny moments of inner peace that are just for you.

A trauma-informed practitioner understands how trauma affects the body and nervous system. In a yoga class, this means the instructor will use gentle, invitational language (no commands), offer lots of choices, and will not do hands-on adjustments without explicit consent. It makes the practice feel safe for a survivor.

Yes, it's one of the most important forms. After an abusive relationship where your boundaries were constantly violated, learning to say "no" and protecting your time and energy is a radical act of reclaiming your autonomy and self-worth.

This feeling of guilt is a very common after-effect of abuse, where your needs were always put last. It's helpful to reframe self-care not as a selfish indulgence, but as a necessary part of your healing. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is essential for your long-term well-being and for your ability to care for others, like your children.

Many women's shelters and community health centres in Toronto offer free, trauma-informed wellness programs like yoga, art therapy, and mindfulness workshops. You can call 211 Ontario to get a list of free community-based programs in your neighbourhood.