Even if you tried to shield them, children often sense when abuse is happening. They may witness yelling, fear, or even physical violence—and when left unexplained, it can create confusion, guilt, and long-term trauma.

Talking to your child about domestic violence may feel overwhelming. But age-appropriate honesty, reassurance, and safety can go a long way.

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• Children often blame themselves for the violence

• Silence can increase fear, shame, and confusion

• Naming the abuse helps them feel safe and validated

• Open conversations rebuild trust and emotional security

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• Keep it simple and soothing

• Focus on safety and routine

• Say: “You’re safe now. I’m here. I love you.”

• Provide calm environments and extra affection

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• Be truthful but gentle

• Avoid blaming language—say “unhealthy” or “hurtful” behavior

• Say: “It’s never okay to yell or hurt someone. That wasn’t your fault.”

• Let them express feelings through play or drawing

• Reassure: “You didn’t cause this. Grown-ups are responsible for their actions.”

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• Use more words and allow questions

• Talk about healthy vs unhealthy relationships

• Say: “What happened was wrong. It’s okay to feel angry or scared.”

• Encourage journaling or therapy

• Let them know: “Your feelings matter. You can talk to me anytime.”

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• Be open, direct, and respectful

• Acknowledge their emotional intelligence

• Say: “You didn’t deserve to witness that. I want to hear how it made you feel.”

• Discuss healthy dating, boundaries, and emotional safety

• Offer access to youth counselling or peer support groups

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• Avoid badmouthing the abusive parent—focus on behavior, not labels

• Reassure often: “You are not to blame.”

• Stick to routines—structure helps with emotional safety

• Model calm, respectful communication

• Let them feel angry, confused, or withdrawn—it’s part of the healing process

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• Nightmares, aggression, or withdrawal lasting more than a few weeks

• School issues or regressive behavior (e.g., bedwetting, tantrums)

• Talking about hurting themselves or others

• If you’re unsure how to respond—you’re not alone

Ontario offers many child trauma counselling services that are free or low-cost.

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• ✅ Children often sense or witness more than adults realize

• ✅ Age-appropriate honesty is healing—not harmful

• ✅ Reassurance and structure help rebuild safety

• ✅ It’s okay not to have all the answers—your presence matters

• ✅ Support services in Ontario can help you and your child recover

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• Kids Help Phone – 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868

• Assaulted Women’s Helpline – 1-866-863-0511

• Boost Child & Youth Advocacy Centre – Counselling for child witnesses of abuse

• Family Service Ontario – Low-cost parenting support

• 211 Ontario – Call or visit 211ontario.ca for family mental health services

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No matter their age, the three most critical messages to give a child are: 1) "You are safe with me now." 2) "This is not your fault." 3) "I love you very much."

No. It is crucial to separate the person from the behaviour. You should be honest that the behaviour was wrong, unhealthy, and unacceptable, but avoid criticizing the other parent as a person. This protects your child from feeling caught in the middle.

Yes. Children often hide their feelings to protect their parents. Even if they seem okay on the surface, they may be struggling internally. Opening the door for a conversation lets them know it's a safe topic and that you are there to support them.

You can explain it as a "safety rule from a judge." For a younger child, you might say, "A judge made a rule that says Dad/Mom has to stay in their own house and we stay in ours, so everyone feels safe." For a teen, you can be more direct and explain that it's a legal tool to prevent unwanted contact.

While your instinct is to protect them, being dishonest about the situation can be more confusing and damaging in the long run. Children are perceptive and know when something is wrong. An age-appropriate, honest explanation is always the best approach.

Your local women's shelter is the best first point of contact, as they have specialized, free counselling programs for children. You can also contact Kids Help Phone (for your child to talk to someone) or Family Service Toronto for referrals to child and family therapists.