Abuse thrives in silence and is sustained by a web of lies. An abuser will often use threats and misinformation about the law, the police, and the justice system to control their partner and instill a sense of hopelessness. They want you to believe that leaving is impossible and that you have no rights.

They are wrong.

Knowledge is power. Busting these myths is the first step toward reclaiming your safety and your future. Here are the facts behind ten of the most common and dangerous myths about leaving an abusive partner in Toronto.

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Myth #1: If I fight back to protect myself, I’ll be the one charged with assault.

The Reality: Canada's Criminal Code has a clear self-defence provision. You are legally allowed to use force that is reasonable in the circumstances to protect yourself or your children from harm. The law recognizes that a person being abused has the right to defend their life. While police arriving at a chaotic scene may have difficulty determining the primary aggressor, the context of ongoing domestic violence is a powerful legal defence. Your survival is the priority.

Myth #2: I can "drop the charges" later if I change my mind.

The Reality: In Ontario, police have a mandatory charging policy in domestic violence cases. If they have reasonable grounds to believe an assault occurred, they are required to lay a charge. From that point on, the case is between the Crown Attorney and the accused. You become a key witness, but you do not have the power to withdraw the charges. This policy exists to protect survivors from being pressured or threatened into dropping the case.

Myth #3: I'll lose custody of my children because my partner has a better job and more money.

The Reality: This is unequivocally false. Family court decisions are based on the "best interests of the child." A parent's income is not the deciding factor; in fact, child support is designed to balance financial disparities. A court must consider any history of domestic violence, and ensuring the children's physical and emotional safety is paramount. A parent who has protected their child from abuse is often seen as the safer parent.

Myth #4: It's "not that serious." A push or a shove isn't really abuse.

The Reality: Any intentional, non-consensual physical contact, including a push, a shove, or grabbing, is legally defined as assault in Canada. There is no minimum level of violence required for it to be a crime. Furthermore, a pattern of threats, intimidation, and monitoring can be prosecuted as criminal harassment (stalking), even with no physical violence at all.

Myth #5: If I leave my sponsor, my Permanent Resident (PR) status will be cancelled and I’ll be deported.

The Reality: This is a common threat used to control sponsored partners, and it is a lie. Once you have been granted PR status, it is your own. Your sponsor has no power to revoke it. Leaving an abusive relationship will not get you deported. If your sponsorship is still in process, there are special humanitarian provisions to allow you to apply for PR on your own.

Myth #6: I can't afford a lawyer, so I'm stuck.

The Reality: Toronto has a strong network of free legal support for survivors. Legal Aid Ontario offers certificates to cover legal fees, the Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic provides free legal representation, and community legal clinics across the city offer free summary advice. Cost should not be a barrier to getting legal help.

Myth #7: If I leave the family home, I've "abandoned" my children and my property rights.

The Reality: Fleeing an unsafe home to protect yourself and your children is a protective action, not abandonment. The court understands this. You do not lose your right to seek custody (parenting time) or make a claim for your share of family property by leaving. Securing your safety is the correct and necessary first step.

Myth #8: A restraining order is just a piece of paper. It won't actually do anything.

The Reality: A restraining order is a powerful legal tool. It is a court order with serious consequences. If the abuser violates the order (by contacting you, for example), they can be immediately arrested and face new criminal charges. It creates a clear, enforceable boundary that gives police the authority to act.

Myth #9: He only acts this way because he's stressed or drinking. He can change.

The Reality: While stress and substance use can make abuse worse, they do not cause it. The root of abuse is a desire for power and control. Many people experience stress or use alcohol without ever harming their partner. While change is possible, it is a long and difficult road that the abuser must choose for themselves. Your safety cannot be put on hold for the possibility of change.

Myth #10: No one will believe me. It's just my word against his.

The Reality: You will be believed. Support workers, counsellors, and lawyers who work in this field are trained to understand the dynamics of abuse and coercive control. Your testimony is powerful evidence. And often, it's not just your word—evidence can also include text messages, emails, photos, journal entries, and statements from friends, family, or colleagues who may have witnessed the abuse or its aftermath.

Don't let these myths keep you in a cycle of fear. Contact a support service in Toronto today to get the facts about your rights and create a safe plan for your future.

Yes, it is possible to be charged, but the law allows for self-defence. Under Canada's Criminal Code, you are justified in using reasonable force to protect yourself from harm. However, the police may initially have difficulty determining who the primary aggressor was, especially in a chaotic situation. If you are charged, it is crucial to tell your lawyer that you were acting in self-defence so they can build a proper legal defence for you.

This is a common and dangerous myth. In Ontario, police have a mandatory charging policy for domestic violence. If they have reasonable grounds to believe an assault occurred, they must lay a charge. Once charges are laid, the decision to proceed rests with the Crown Attorney, not the survivor. You cannot "drop the charges," as the case is between the Crown and the accused.

This is a powerful fear that abusers often use for control. In reality, child protection services (like the Children's Aid Society) view a parent who takes steps to leave an abusive environment as protective. Their primary goal is to keep children safe with their non-offending parent. Leaving an abuser is seen as a major step towards ensuring your children's safety and well-being.

The Toronto Police Service has specialized units and policies for responding to domestic violence. They are legally obligated to investigate all reports. While every officer's response may differ, the system is designed to take these calls seriously. Providing a detailed history of the abuse, not just the most recent incident, can help them understand the full context and pattern of coercive control.

While leaving is incredibly difficult, you are not alone. Toronto has a network of resources designed to help. Emergency shelters can provide a safe place to stay for you and your children. You can apply for emergency financial assistance, and the family court system can make orders for child and spousal support to provide you with financial stability.

A restraining order or peace bond is a legally binding court order with serious consequences for the abuser if they break it. If an abuser violates the conditions (e.g., by contacting you or coming near your home), they can be immediately arrested and face new criminal charges. It is a critical tool that creates a legal boundary and provides a clear, immediate way for police to intervene.