The end of summer brings a familiar mix of excitement and anxiety for families as they prepare to head back to school. But for children who have been exposed to domestic violence, the normal back-to-school jitters can feel monumental. Their world has been shaken, and the return to a structured, social environment can be incredibly overwhelming.

A child’s sense of safety is built at home. When that safety is broken, their ability to navigate the outside world, focus in a classroom, and connect with others is deeply impacted. As a parent or caregiver, you are their anchor. This guide offers practical strategies and local Toronto resources to help you support your child through this challenging transition.

It’s important to recognize that a child’s anxiety might not just be about new teachers or homework. It’s often rooted in the trauma they’ve experienced.

• Intense Separation Anxiety: They may be terrified to leave you, fearing that something bad will happen to you while they are at school. They may have taken on a "protector" role at home.

• Hypervigilance: A child’s nervous system might be on constant high alert for danger. In a busy classroom, this can look like being easily startled, distracted, or unable to sit still.

• Trouble Concentrating: Trauma impacts the "thinking" part of the brain. A child struggling with traumatic stress may have difficulty with memory, focus, and learning, which can sometimes be mistaken for a learning disability or ADHD.

• Social and Emotional Challenges: They may have trouble trusting adults, struggle to make friends, or express their overwhelming feelings through withdrawal or outbursts of anger.

Your goal is to create a bubble of safety and predictability that they can carry with them into the classroom.

1. Prioritize Routine Above All Else. After experiencing chaos, routine is calming. In the weeks leading up to school, establish a consistent and predictable schedule for waking up, meals, and bedtime. A visual chart on the wall can be very helpful for younger kids.

2. Validate, Don't Dismiss. When your child expresses a fear, resist the urge to say, "Don't worry, you'll be fine." Instead, validate their feeling. Try saying, "It sounds like you're feeling really worried about going into that big, noisy classroom. I get that. Let's talk about it." This teaches them that their feelings are real and important.

3. Communicate with the School (If It Feels Safe). You are your child’s best advocate. Consider having a private conversation with the school's guidance counsellor, social worker, or a trusted teacher. You do not need to share all the details. You can simply say:

   • "My child has been through a very difficult family situation recently and needs extra support to feel safe at school."

   • Ask to create a plan: "If they feel overwhelmed, is there a designated person they can talk to or a quiet space they can go to for a few minutes?"

4. Practice "Calm-Down" Tools Together. Teach your child simple breathing techniques they can use at their desk. A simple one is "Box Breathing": Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four. Practice it together at home so it feels familiar.

5. Focus on Connection. In the days before school starts, fill their emotional cup. Spend focused one-on-one time doing something they enjoy. Read a book, go for a walk, play a game. Your calm, steady presence is the most powerful tool you have to reassure them that they are safe.

You don't have to do this alone. Toronto has excellent services that specialize in supporting children who have witnessed violence.

• What's Up Walk-In®: Offers free, immediate, single-session counselling for children, youth, and families across Toronto, both in-person and virtually. This is an incredible resource if you need to talk to someone right away without being on a long waitlist.

• Family Service Toronto: Provides a wide range of counselling services for children and families, many of which are offered on a sliding scale based on income.

• Community-Based Child & Youth Programs: Many local women's shelters run extensive community programs for children who have witnessed violence, even if you never stayed at the shelter. Organizations like The Redwood, Ernestine's Women's Shelter, and Woman's Habitat all have dedicated children's counsellors and support groups.

• Native Child and Family Services of Toronto (NCFST): Offers culturally-grounded, holistic support for Indigenous children and families, including counselling, parenting programs, and youth services.

Remember, your child's behaviour is a normal reaction to an abnormal experience. By leading with empathy and connecting with the right supports, you can help them walk into the classroom feeling safer, more confident, and ready to experience the joy of learning again.

Children who have been exposed to domestic violence often experience heightened back-to-school anxiety. The trauma they've endured can impact their sense of safety, making it difficult for them to concentrate, manage their emotions, and interact with peers and teachers. They may show signs of intense separation anxiety, hypervigilance, and have trouble with social-emotional regulation in a school setting.

To support a child who has experienced trauma, it's important to use trauma-informed strategies. These include establishing consistent and predictable routines to create a sense of stability, validating their feelings rather than dismissing them, and maintaining open communication with their school. Teaching calming techniques, such as "Box Breathing," can also empower them to manage their anxiety during the school day.

Open communication with your child's school is key to creating a supportive environment. You can schedule a meeting with their teacher, principal, or school counselor to discuss your child's needs and develop a collaborative plan. This might include identifying a "safe person" at school your child can go to if they feel overwhelmed and establishing a discreet communication system for updates on your child's well-being.

Toronto offers a variety of resources to support children and families affected by domestic violence. "What's Up Walk-In®" provides free, immediate counseling services. Family Service Toronto offers a range of programs, and women's shelters like The Redwood and Ernestine's run community programs for children. For culturally specific support, Native Child and Family Services of Toronto is an excellent resource.

Your presence and connection are powerful tools for helping your child feel secure. Simple acts like walking them to school, leaving a small note in their lunchbox, or having a dedicated time to talk after school can provide the reassurance they need. These moments of connection remind them that they are loved and safe, which is essential for their healing and development.

Yes, it is a normal response for children who have experienced trauma to exhibit behavioral challenges. These behaviors are a reflection of the stress and fear they have endured. With empathy, patience, and the right support from both home and school, your child can overcome these challenges, regain their confidence, and find joy in learning again.